Jordan and Megan Want to Play Wack-A-Mule

Tonight: Glamour’s Women of the Yr Awards, have 2 tix, but still in Boston, so Miss @JordanBerkow & Miss @MeganAlagna are going in my stead.

Yes, Princess Donkey Nuts, I’m sure that Jordan and Megan were thrilled that you said to your thousands of Uzbekistanian followers that they are nothing but your handmaidens and don’t have the “connections” that you do.

This is why they don’t play with you when you are in town.

Haha! Julia Puns Just Like Carrie Bradshaw

Textually frustrated.

Fuck you.

Look at That! Instantly Recognizable People and Julia Allison!!!

Here are Julia Allison’s national Sony spots that some have been seeing on television. I can’t imagine that people, like, bumfuck Wyoming would even know who Julia is, but she’s presented as an expert, so kudos to the MacBook owner and Apple-enthusiast.

Julia, you suck at wack-a-mole.

Julia Allison Obviously Loved L.A.

Julia Allison, donkarina failure and future Los Angeles dweller maybe possibly, clearly made an impression on her triumphant Halloween EPIC party night.

One wonders if the big smile on the bed was a cover for Shira dumping her sobbing, embarrassing pal back at the hotel at 2am.

It’s just getting sad at this point, guys.

Julia: Life is a Perpetual Holiday

CRAP! I have both my 10 YEAR high school reunion AND a bikini-clad Hawaii trip in exactly 3 wks. No desserts for the foreseeable future. about 7 hours ago from web

—

My next marathon trip is booked! Starts Nov 20th: SF, LA, Chicago, then … HAWAII!! Never been before; sort of freaking out. In a good way.

Julia: A Montage of Photo Shoots That Showed Up Nowhere

On Planet Non-Donkey, a photo shoot, complete with a photographer, wardrobe, styling and/or stylist, lights, etc., usually implies that the pictures will run somewhere, no? Somewhere other than a Facebook page? Like in a magazine or a newspaper or in some kind of advertising campaign?

But, of course, in Donkeyville, everything is all wonky. And so we have frequent photo shoots of Princess Pretty Petal Pelts in an array of goofy ensembles posing for supposedly professional photographers (except Michael McDonald) with lighting and heavy makeup and come-hither poses, etc etc. And the photos show up nowhere except on her blog and/or Facebook page.

A collection of recent faux-to shoots:

Remember this one? When her dreams came true at the New York Public Library? And she said she was dubbing it “good girl gone bad” because shortly thereafter she went all hardcore with her red hair and her visible wiener and her poo-poo poses? To whit:

And then there was this special 28th birthday photoshoot by an apparently homeless “photographer” who knew nothing about photography:

None of these photos have ever seen the light of day save for showing up in photo albums or as profile shots on her Facebook page, or occasionally on her blog. How lucky for her thousands of Facebook fans overseas, however! Because soon they’ll be able to feast their eyes on the photographs that result from this faux-to shoot, and can leave variations of the following messages in the comments “u r hot/will you if my girlfriend/i would like to you poke beetiful lady/u have sexy legs can i like them.”

Julia Leaves Me Speechless

A Brief Roundup For Those Who Missed Anything

Jackles began the week in L.A., ostensibly for many important meetings, although we could find no record of the “vivacious” agent she brayed about meeting, and we don’t believe she was “shooting a pilot.”  She repeatedly posted/Tweeted her whereabouts during her final days in L.A., likely to alert TK for a possible rom-com accidental bump-in moment. We learned she was seen weeping in her tutu at a Halloween party that she more than likely crashed.

She then came home and made all sorts of noise about how deeply devoted she is to Lilly. She continues to never read here.

Then she went to Boston for some panel appearance during the very last segment of some stupid seminar and posted a picture of herself yapping and the women surrounding her are giving her the “bitch please” eyeball. She also posted a photo of her enveloping Allie, of the famed Britt n Allie duo, who is shrinking away and looking pained. Jackles then headed off to another fauxto shoot in “Boston Commons” dressed in a outfit that is deeply disturbing due to the prominence of  thigh-highs and donkey hooves.

Meghan, meanwhile …. is …. zzz ….. she’s about to …. zzzzz … I think she’s ……….. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz …

Oh dear, I’m sorry! Where were we?

Ahh yes, Jordan continues to make a lot of pasta, some with garlic salt and store-bought sauces, and to do fun and adorable things in JA’s absence with JA’s friends, including karaoke. She also posted a video of her one-eyed dog playing with her parents’ kitten that is too adorable to describe.

If I have forgotten anything, I trust our commenters will weigh in.

Julia Allison’s Ideas About Relationships Are Totally Wise

Julia Allison, the gift that keeps giving in an untreated std sort of way, has posted yet another fantastic truism about relationships:

“Of course he likes me! Because I’ve played the game, even though I didn’t mean to play the game, which is the best game playing of all.”less than 20 seconds ago from Echofon

As we all know Julia is one of the most successful women of our generation when it comes to long lasting, meaningful, and mature relationships with people and animals. I think we would all be wise to see this sourceless quote as the deep advice Julesy intends.

THIS is why I have cats and a fat ass! I don’t play games! That’s it – no more calling a guy, no more telling him I like him if I do, no more being transparent and nice and fun. From now on it’s nothing but smelly booties and make up that makes Dustin Hoffman call me Tootsie. If I ever have sex again? Fucking tears, yall. Dude is gonna need a canoe with the river I cry. And I’ll give him a cute codename and then out him on my blog so that all 9 readers know who he is.

I’ll be married by next August!!! Thanks Julia!!

ps: HONK

Because Julia Allison’s Trip Isn’t Complete Without A Photoshoot

Julia Allison, the most common person in America, is on her way to yet another photoshoot:

On my way to Boston Commons for a little photoshoot with a talented Harvard student. http://twitpic.com/oswel22 minutes ago from Echofon

WHAT ON THE GREEN AND BLUE EARTH IS SHE WEARING??? Ok, on Barbara Streisand in “On A Clear Day You Can See Forever” this outfit was cute. I don’t even know what kind of look she is going for here.