Julia Allison’s Career Is Blowin UP Ya’ll

November 23, 2009 by partypants

Julia Allison, person who somehow keeps getting hired for commercials even with that mouth, is on FIRE, jealous bidges! Her venture capital source Miss Asha is loving her boss for including her:

“Rough life, sitting in a Ferrari.” – @Meghan about 4 hours ago from Echofon

Meanwhile Miss Julia is making sure to get that trite ass kissing in while simultaneously bragging about being “on set”:

Just spent the last hour on set talking with the beautiful & brilliant @AshleyCHartman. http://twitpic.com/ql8m3 about 2 hours ago from Echofon

Folks it looks  like we are stuck with Jujus for a while. Don’t worry, at 28 her acting career can’t last more than what, 5 years? Sorry I don’t know exactly when women expire. This whole being an actress shit is just another way for her to legitimize herself into a wedding with a billionaire anyway. I think we all know that the minute she lands herself the rich Ivy league piggy bank she’s gunning for she’ll disappear onto the sass-iety circuit and age into obscurity.

We hope.

Julia Allison Is Filming A Pilot, Haters

November 22, 2009 by partypants

Julia Allison, “Road To LA” star, is making sure to document the fact that a makeup artist is now glueing on her eye pelts:

Getting my makeup did ;)

Nothing proves you are totally a star like having your tranny makeup professionally done! Maybe now you bidges will believe she’s on tv!!! And how did that shit come out?

Finished product

What the how is with her new Doctor Evil pose all the time? Is that her coy, demure pose? Her “daddy puhleeze gimme a lolly” pose? Weird.

EDIT: Is it just me or is dunky’s skin looking a little pitty in that first pic?

Julia: She Is Gettin’ Her Hike On, Yo, While Scanning The Landscape Desperately For TK

November 22, 2009 by Jacy

Donkey’s wardrobe choices are VERSATILE, yo! She can pull that Lululemon down or hike it up to show off all that luscious Donkey flesh! After all, TK might have been hiking today!

I think Mini Driver said it best:

“Hey, Topher, it’s me. Julia, that is. Ah ha ha! I guess I have to say my name now since it’s been so long since we talked. You haven’t been picking up my calls or returning my voicemails or emails or Facebook comments or Twitter direct messages or Myspace bulletins. What are you trying to make me do, resort to snail mail? Ah ha ha! You know I can’t hold a pen in my kielbasa fingers! Remember how you used to call them kielbasas? I miss that! I think of you every time I don’t eat meat. It’s lucky fish are plants or I’d never get my sushi on. I don’t have your ground address anyway. How do I get a hold of you, hire a private investigator to track your every move? Ah ha ha! Jay kay!

“So, I’m gettin’ my Runyon Canyon on and I thought I’d call you from the summit, as a reward for this huuuuuge vertical elevation I surmounted. It’s like climbing the stairs to Jordan’s apartment except it smells better than her stairwell, ah ha ha! You know, every time I’m here I think of you, because you took me here my first time and I’m kinda half-hoping I’ll run into you every time I see this smoggy view. For some weird reason I’m here every day I’m in L.A. Who does that, right? And what is smog, anyway? Is it smoke or is it fog? It’s like, make up your mind, cloud! Ah ha ha!

“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that even though you had a girlfriend the whole time you were Facebooking and then sleeping with me, I’m totally over that. We all make mistakes, and I used to forget I had a boyfriend all the time back when I had one. Just plum forgot.

“I googled her last week when I couldn’t sleep and it turns out that she’s tiny and cute… so very tiny! So of course I couldn’t be happier for you. You deserve an itty-bitty girlfriend sooooo much. Remember to invite me to the wedding! I’m not even a little bitter and I love chocolate fountains and satin-finish acetate dresses. Maybe that petite little bunny of yours can toss the bouquet my way. Ah ha ha! Like I’d ever marry anyone but you! Jay kay… that means just kidding. El oh el dot com, right? I know! I’m so glad we had this talk. Later, cutie!”

Meghan Is A True Tech Expert

November 22, 2009 by juliaspublicist

OMFG! Coffeeshops have Wi-Fi? When the fuck did that happen?

My favorite part about quiet mornings spent in La La Land has been The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf’s unlimited access to free WiFi. Please check out this impressive digital signage provided by Ripple TV. Rad!

Meghan, honey, just stop.

Poofy just piss the peoples off

November 22, 2009 by Russian Girl

I have nothing to say other than to let this people say for herself. Thank you to the tootoo (what this mean?):

i can’t even deal anymore. this bitch is BREAKING me.

let’s start with this: i’m a 20 year old college student in nyc, originally from nj (princeton OMG!!!!). i work a part-time service job (so i can pay BILLS and RENT!) while attending school full-time (so i can have a JOB where i’m not LAUGHED AT!). i have a boyfriend of over a year, friends, family, and a cat (who i feel guilty as HELL leaving for the 12 hours a day i’m gone).

WHO. IS. THIS. BITCH. who:
1. flies around 24/7 for no reason? i’m an hour away from home, and because of work and school i haven’t been home or seen my mom since july. you live in a different TIME ZONE than your mother, you dolt. you are 30 years old and i can’t even legally drink. you see your mommy more than i do.
2. purchases books just to take pictures of them? i pay $600+ out of pocket every semester for textbooks, so it’s a lucky day for me when i’m able to go out and buy a book before even (or ever) reading it.
3. fucks and feels the need to explain said fuckage to the entire universe (aka rbns)? sorry, but i fuck, and i do it often. and it’s good. do i go online and explain it to everyone i know no, romanticized stories of my tears post orgasm are not commonly documented for the world to read.
4. who complains about waking up at 6:30 to get paid to read from cue cards in central park? how about…you wake up at 6, feed and play with your cat because you know she’ll be alone all day, go to a $9/hr food service job for 2 hours, head to school for 6 hours, go back to work for 4 hours, come home, feed and play with cat again, do homework/readings/papers/research for 3 hours, and finally….sleep.

NEWS FLASH, YOU DUMB FUCKING BITCH: YOU ARE SPOILED. AND BY SPOILED, I DON’T MEAN YOU ARE A PRETTY PRETTY BLAIR WALDORF PRINCESS. you are ruined. your worth is done. spoiled milk = spoiled julia: might as well throw it out. you have ruined any dignity you might have had left, any credibility you might of convinced kaka manna you had. any sort of “relatability” you thought you had with your “readers” is gone.

the fact that i, a stranger, a lonely cat lady, a fat and jealous hater living in the basement of my parents that i see less often than you (you glorious 30 year old daddy’s girl, you!), can glean all this from your sporadic diarrhea postings should alert you to the fact that there’s a real problem with what you’re doing.

as a 20 year old, in a committed relationship, with a dedication to her schoolwork and rapidly approaching career, i once felt bad for you, julia. but now? now?

let’s just say my feelings aren’t pink.

p.s. i have provided contact information, bitch, on behalf of your beard paul carr. feel free to let me know how you “feel.”

Give Yourself A Bingo Square

November 22, 2009 by partypants

Julia Allison, globe shaped trotter, arrived some fucking where. Does it matter?

HURRAY! My bag actually made it on the flight, despite me having to sign a “voluntary separation” paper, which means if they don’t get it on the aircraft in time, you have no right to get mad ;) oh, and yes, you read that right: 62 pounds. That’s what happens when you pack for four different climates.

The totally unusual and unexpected picture of luggage on the carousel: Give yourself a square!

Julia Allison Still Thinks She’s Gonzo In A Thong

November 21, 2009 by partypants

Julia Allison, seen above in January, still thinks that quoting Hunter S. Thompson makes her sound profound:

“I have spent half my life trying to get away from journalism, but I am still mired in it – a low trade and a habit worse than heroin, a strange seedy world full of misfits and drunkards and failures.”

Hunter S. Thompson, in “Generation of Swine,” one of the books I’m taking on my 16-day-4-city journey

Julia, you are not Thompson. You are a pink puffy shillhead with a fucking tumblr. GET OVER YOURSELF!!!

Julia Allison Is Outta Here, Betches!

November 21, 2009 by partypants

Julia Allison, the bridal prize of every man, is off on her Find A Husband Tour!

In the car en route to JFK with @MeghanAsha for my 16-day, 4-city tour. First LA, then SF, then Chicago, then Hawaii. Oy. about 2 hours ago from Echofon

In a stunning change of events, Julia was abnormally omgthisclose to making her flight. Thankfully she made it. And what does she have to say to the ineffable city she loves/hates?

It’s a MIRACLE OF GOD we made this flight. Goodbye NY!! about 1 hour ago from Echofon

Goodbye Juju! We hope you find yourself a millionaire at one of your stops! While you’re gone we’ll be documenting all the fun shit Jordan and the Megs have with you gone.

Julia’s Facebook Fans Continue To Impress

November 21, 2009 by Jacy

While Donk is busy pretending that she’s going to be reading either Hunter S. Thompson or Thomas Hardy in the next few weeks — as fucking if — it’s good to see her Facebook fans are keeping up their highly intellectual dialogue on her Facebook page. And yes, by the way, the above photo is the profile shot associated with one of her fans. Whether it’s really him or not, I am not sure.

you look so sexy
can we having a sex

hi baby
how are you
this Michael from Freetown checking on you
you are going to be normal soon

everyone want to watch your sex videos

what you have an idea of women hood can you describe me

hi julia ,your are bad

Wow, so pretty woman She drives me under pressure, i dont know which is her but i am really obsessed! I wish her only beer and good friendly atmosphere!

hi julia i like u so much and u r my angel so plz contact with me i want to talk with u so plz u dont refuse me plz

i think, ur one of the intrest is to take trekking.Am i right? same as me.

And from her No. 1 fan, the famous Kakka Mana:

aaahhh jizz in my pants

 

 

UPDATED: Courtesy of FupaJaba:

Presented Without Comment

November 21, 2009 by juliaspublicist

From Julia’s Facebook fan page: