Julia Allison Still Believes In Psychics!! Boyfriend By Sometimewhenever!

Julia Allison, dickweed, is so so blessed with the unique ability to sound like a complete moron every time she attempts to post. That she manages to out-idiot all the other users of tumblr is probably the biggest accomplishment of her life.

Anyway, did you guys know she talks to Emily Gould? Well she’s not letting you forget she has Real Writery Friends. As you know, writers only talk to other writers, so Emily Gould deciding to exercise her “Reply” button totally validates Julia as a So Important Person. Behold! Emily Gould and Julia Allison take a stroll down the Donkey Trail of Memories:

Former Gawker editor Emily Gould & I have been emailing back & forth to set up a lunch date (this Friday!  yay!).  In the midst of working on a project of mine, I stumbled across this old piece she wrote about our little summer afternoon sojourn to the Staten Island psychic, which I (of course) forwarded to her.

Seems like years ago.  Probably because, uh … it was.

From: Julia Allison
Date: December 6, 2009 10:34:16 PM EST
To: emily gould
Subject: Who would have thought?

omg, I just reread this.  http://gawker.com/290516/alexandra-spiritualpsychic-counselor-of-staten-island

wow.  memories.

also?  she *was* psychic.  HA

The psychic told Julia she would be moving back to the midwest to host a cooking show. Sure, why not. Yep, psychic. Your future is brilliant and you hang out with Emily Gould.

Even if she got a cooking show it would probably end in flames and ignominy very shortly. Julia is not known for life success. Frankly at this point I think any morning that Julia wakes up, looks in the mirror, and finds that she has not turned into a cockroach overnight should be counted as a successful day.

Julia Allison’s Idea Of A Third Date Is Tennis In Hawaii

Dating expert Julia Allison has some PROTIPS! if you want to spend time with her – first date better prove she’s a princess, and date three better be in a tropical locale!

Yep, Juju posted this to her fumblr no doubt intending to imply Dadser’s Selection was there with her. For all we know this could be over the phone, via im, smoke signals. Or he could be sitting RIGHT THERE taking pics of her for her liecast and being ignored while she posts shit for her 9 readers.

Oh the lucky man. She might even be falling in love with him!

I was a dating columnist for seven years and I still can’t predict or explain why people do – and don’t – fall in love. 11 minutes ago from web

Or maybe she’s not! Who knows? Just because Yenta and your dad agree doesn’t mean you have to, even if he takes you Hawaii.

Meghan Asha Calls Her Pussy “Mr. Pink Lips”

Meghan Asha, oddy mcodderton, just made a delightful post referring to her pussy as “Mr. Pink Lips”. And in case you wondered how she spent her day:

Working all morning with Mr. Pink Lips!

Yeah. There’s a picture too, but as the beautiful and witty tipster said, it’s “disturbing for days”.

Just…yeah.

Julia: Finally Realizing What We’ve Always Known

Suffering from a severe case of Hawaii-induced Lethargy. I have pretty much been a waste of space for the past week.

Oh Donkey. It’s been a lot longer than a week.

Julia Allison Expects You To Pay For Her Life

It’s not news that Julia Allison is a bridge-burning, entitled princess. With her recent braying about her impending birthday parties, tips are coming in about her last attempt to be Paris Hilton.

Julia’s NYC birthday party was not only not attended by much of the media crowd she so desperately wanted to impress, but sources say she did not even pay for the party herself. The entire shindig was funded by a friend of a friend, and it was “not cheap.”

Tipsters also say that a thank you note was sent, but “Julia was bringing her old room-mate around” and giving her the credit for the party, when in reality Mary and Megan were the ones who did all the real work.

Another source says Julia will need a lot of luck finding a location in NYC for this year’s bash. Apparently her habit of not paying for anything is well known, and as her fameball fades no one wants to “have the bother of organizing a non-event” just so pretty princess can flounce about in a tiara taking pictures.

It will be interesting to see how this develops. Will she manage to shill herself into a party sponsor, or will she simply try to make Randi’s party “their” party again?

Julia Allison Needs To Thank Jordan For Doing Her Work For Her. . .

. . . while simultaneously showing how much more awesome she is.

juliaallison:

Despite not having played for a while, I fell back into old (good) habits.  My grandmother is a HUGE, HUGE tennis buff and played with me for years.  I took lessons when I was in high school, and then again in college, but never stuck with it long enough to get really good.

One of my new years resolutions is to start playing regularly again.  Anyone have any suggestions for good courts in NYC?

I used to play with my dad at the Manhattan Plaza Racquet Club, on 43rd between 9th and 10th. Good courts in a great location, but they’re a touch pricey. A rundown of the best courses can be found here – the most affordable options include McCarren Park and Queens College.

At least one of these girls knows how to use Google. How much you want to bet that even though Julia now has a friend that knows how to play tennis, they will never actually play?

Also? Jadorable.

Julia Allison Wants To Throw The Salahi Version of A Birthday Party

Julia Allison cares about other people, meaning she likes to throw narcissistic donkey shows under the guise of caring about other people.

Miss @RandiZuckerberg & I are looking for a few remarkable women’s charities to support for our upcoming Bi-coastal Bday Bash. Suggestions?

Amazing women’s charities I’m thinking about supporting: Planned Parenthood, GEMS, ECPATusa, A Safe Passage – any others in this vein?

Other suggestions? I like charities that support reproductive rights, ending domestic violence & sex trafficking, and education for girls.

If I recall, this year’s bi-coastal donkey roadshow had a charity angle attached to it, and, if I recall, it was never really clear what that charity angle actually was, or if anything was actually donated.

Julia Allison has never, ever shown that she truly cares about particular causes, except for when she says she does even though she hasn’t done anything to show it. Remember the donating of slightly used magazines to battered women? Yeah, the battered women didn’t even want them. Or how about the time she raised awareness for OxFam? Oh, wait. She was paid for that. Well, what about that time she said she was a fierce advocate for the gays. Oh yeah, she just posted a picture of Latina drag queens in typical minstrelsy fashion, and her depiction of gays is ALWAYS a horrible stereotype of the Anthony Marentino variety.

If Julia actually really cared about women’s issues as she claims, she would already be well aware of a charity to which  she would love to give her time and money, but she has absolutely no clue and has to crowdsource to find out which charities are worthwhile. Actually that’s wrong, she is only doing it to show her legion of chronically masturbating Twitter fans that she cares, when she really does not, as evidenced by her actions.

If she is actually raising money for a charity, as she claimed for her last birthday party, then she needs to raise awareness about the charity and issue on her blog in the run-up to her birthday and be transparent of exactly how she is raising money to donate to whatever group she chooses. As of now, the whole thing screams of throwing a extravagant soiree for herself as a tax writeoff, which I’m sure the IRS would love to hear about.

Why Can’t Julia Allison Go On A Normal Date?

As you all know by now, Julia Allison, the Billy Jean Queen of donkeys, is in Hawaii. And it’s pretty clear that she’s there with Hipster Lawyer, who, as far as we know, she went on only a couple of dates with when she was in Chicago last. So I ask this, is it normal to cross multiple time zones to go on an extended date this early in the relationship?

The very idea of it creeps me out. Why Julia is completely unsatisfied with dates of the dinner and drinks variety is a glaring indication of how she views relationships. Julia has no interest in building a partnership with man, rather she is more invested in the adventure, the pomp and circumstance that men, for some unknown reason, throw around to impress her. Why can’t she split a bottle of wine, watch Love Actually — it is Christmas time, after all — and make out on the couch like normal people?

No one can possibly keep up with glamour that Hipster Lawyer is showering as a relationship progresses. I feel sorry for her, because if this is what she expects in a relationship she will be let down every single time.

Oh Julia, Is There Anything You Haven’t Done?

Julia Allison had her tennis lesson today, and of course some…person took a hundred pics of her holding a raquet. Snore. Anyway, we find out that – shocker – Julia used to play awesome tennis:

Despite not having played for a while, I fell back into old (good) habits.  My grandmother is a HUGE, HUGE tennis buff and played with me for years.  I took lessons when I was in high school, and then again in college, but never stuck with it long enough to get really good.

One of my new years resolutions is to start playing regularly again.  Anyone have any suggestions for good courts in NYC?

Dancer, cheerleader, ballerina, swim team, debate, and now, tennis. Oh Julia, is there anything you CAN’T do? Besides succeed at life, I mean.

Julia Allison And The Mystery Of The Smelly Tennis Skirt

Julia Allison, who packed 68 lbs of luggage, apparently packed nothing but tennis skirts.

Off to a tennis lesson. And yes, that’s a white ribbon in my hair. http://twitpic.com/saiqy

I don’t understand this. Does she have 23 tennis skirts in her suitcase or is she just wearing Grandma’s skirt every day? Because I don’t know which is more disturbing.

Also, please note: that IS a white ribbon in her hair! Because I know your life stopped until she confirmed that for you.